“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.”

Franklin P Jones

Feedback is how you let colleagues know how well they are doing their work and how their behaviours are undermining or supporting their effectiveness.

Whether you are giving motivational feedback to let someone know what they did well and why it was good or you are giving developmental feedback, telling someone what needs to be changed and how to do it, feedback can be of great value or it can be harmful.

You may have experience yourself of being on the receiving end of negative and critical remarks that undermined your confidence or at least lead to you shut down to learning and resistant to making any changes.

How can you ensure you do better when you give feedback? Here are some tips that might help. Make feedback:

1. Specific. Use examples of what’s working or what could be improved or done differently. “The data you gave me was accurate, clear and on time which meant I was well prepared for the meeting”
2. Descriptive rather than evaluative. Talk about what you noticed, not your interpretation of what you saw. “You were slouching in your chair and looking out of the window” rather than “You weren’t interested”
3. Objective. Ensure your comments are neutral and based on fact. “You have been over 10 minutes late three times this week, rather than “You’re always late!”
4. Observed. Based on what you personally saw or heard.
5. Balanced. Forget the “praise sandwich,” where you give a positive, a negative and a positive. So many people are familiar with it they ignore the praise and are waiting for the criticism. Do make sure that you give praise where it is due and succinct clear advice or suggestions when needed. Aim for an overall balance between the two although that won’t always be in the same conversation.
6. Timely. Many people resist giving feedback because they fear it will lead to conflict and drama but putting it off until it can’t be ignored any longer is more likely to prompt this very outcome. Give feedback as close as possible to the event or behaviour being commented upon.
7. Action Focused. Feedback needs to be directed towards behaviours that people can do something about rather than vague concepts or personality traits.

What do you do to ensure your feedback is constructive and effective?

What examples of poor feedback do you have?

How many times over the last few days have you been asked if you are going to make a New Year’s Resolution? I’m not going to, because it doesn’t happen to fit with my usual and continuous 3 month to 3 year planning process, but I would love to hear how you are intending to get the most from 2012. Perhaps a couple of coaching questions will help you get started in formulating your thoughts and committing to yourself and your own development a little more seriously than most people do to their New Year’s Resolutions.

If you agree, let’s dive straight in:

1. What one thing would make the biggest improvement in your life over the next 12 months?
2. If you could have what you want, in just the way you want it, what would that do for you?
3. In what way would you like this year to be different from last year?
4. If you could really have what you secretly wanted, what would that be?
5. What are your biggest fears and how can you overcome them?
6. What new habits do you want to acquire this year and which do you want to shed?
7. Which relationships do you want to develop this year and which do you need to let go of?

What are your goals and challenges are for 2012?

I love Christmas and I think I love it all the more because I have a fairly laid back and relaxed attitude towards it. I have friends who plan it with military precision weeks and even months in advance. I have friends who start panicking about who to invite, what to cook, what to do, and who to visit, long beforehand and right throughout the holiday. I also know people who seem to be consistently disappointed with the reality of Christmas as opposed to how they think it “should” be.  If your approach to Christmas works for you, yippee!! If you are starting to feel tense and tetchy already, then these last minute tips may help.

If you’ve just received late cards from people you haven’t sent to….LEAVE IT. It’s too late and they’re unlikely to notice you didn’t send one to them, at this point in the proceedings.

If you are panicking that now you have wrapped the presents, there don’t seem to be enough…STOP. Don’t reach for your purse. You set a budget so stick to it.

If you are worried that Great Aunt Flo will embarrass you by ……………………(insert as appropriate) falling asleep, saying something inappropriate, getting tipsy, letting a family skeleton out of the cupboard…STEP AWAY. You can’t prevent it, and she deserves a good Christmas as much as anyone.

If you are focussing on being the “hostess with the mostest” and everything going perfectly at the family gathering…CHILL OUT. Your family are more likely to want your company than have you slaving away in the kitchen all day, especially if you are relaxed and happy rather than stressed and sweaty.

If you know from experience that Christmas is guaranteed to bring out long standing resentments and unresolved issues J…ACCEPT IT. It’s likely to happen. If it did last year it probably will this year. Do what you can to minimise the risk, prepare your own response, then LET IT GO.  The sky won’t fall in.

Finally, if you are banking on creating a perfect family experience against a picture postcard winter scene, ask yourself if you’ve created unrealistic expectations for yourself and those around you. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being a family, warts and all, and celebrating that.

And if all else fails and you find yourself hitting the sherry a little too hard and a little too early, or feeling like a martyr to the cause because you are doing all the work while everyone else eats, drinks and makes merry just remember….“This too shall pass.”

Have a pleasant and relaxing Christmas and I will see you on the other side ready for a great New Year.

One of the most frequent complaints I hear from managers is that their direct reports are failing to deliver on expectations. They feel at a loss about why this is happening and what they can do about it. They are likely to eventually come to the conclusion that the person is either lazy, lacks commitment or just isn’t up to the job.

On closer inspection though, there are many reasons that lead to this underperformance. Here are four of them.

1) They don’t know what to do

Especially in these days of rapid change and everyone running to keep still it’s easy to overlook the basics and to jump to conclusions that we have spelt out our expectations really clearly when we may not have done so.  Think about someone you manage whose performance is not living up to your expectations. How confident are you that you have articulated really clearly and specifically what you want them to do? Rather than using vague catch all terms like, “present professionally in meetings” or “write up a comprehensive report” etc. you will need to spell out exactly what that looks like so that they can replicate it.

2) They think they are already doing it

In the absence of effective and timely feedback, people either decide they are doing fine or that you don’t care about what they are doing.  Consider if you have really taken the opportunity to give specific behavioural feedback about what they are doing that works and what they are doing or not doing that doesn’t work. A simple model to use is Action Impact Desire. What action you saw, what the impact was on you, on others, or on the project and what you Desire for the future. This can be used for motivational feedback when they have done something well that you want them to repeat and developmental feedback when you want them to do something differently.

3) They don’t understand why they have to do it

Someone once said to me that CEO should stand for Chief Explaining Officer. Right from the top, down through the business, leaders at all levels need to paint the big picture and help people see how what they are doing contributes to that big picture. You have probably heard the story about one brick layer saying he is building a wall, while the next brick layer proudly said he was building a cathedral. How are you helping your people see how what they do, contributes to cross functional performance and ultimately to the performance of the business.

4) They think they could do it differently / better

On a similar vein, maybe they aren’t doing what you want because it doesn’t make sense to them. That could be because they don’t have the bigger picture or it could be that it really doesn’t make sense. They are closer to the front line than you and the chances are they will have ideas about how things could be speeded up, made more efficient, more user or customer friendly etc. Make sure you don’t overlook their expertise. Create the forum and the climate that encourages ideas and debate. Just because you are listening doesn’t mean you have to implement all their suggestions but it does help you keep your finger on the pulse, eases the burden on you to always know best and develops and values your staff.

I don’t believe people come to work to deliberately do a poor job. They may have different drivers and motivators from you but your role as manager is to bring out the best in those you manage. So, next time you are feeling frustrated that one of your people isn’t delivering on your expectations, ask yourself what could be getting in the way and how you might be contributing to the issue.

Looking back on my life I can pinpoint times of rapid and substantial growth and development. On a personal basis they sometimes involved life changing, and even life threatening situations. Professionally they were usually projects and/or roles that I initially didn’t want to do because they seemed too big a stretch. They were high profile and in one way or another, high risk.

One example was when I was serving in the Royal Navy and was asked to set up a residential training unit for the welfare staff of the Royal Navy, Royal Marines and Army. It was a totally blank sheet including:

• A new geographical location where I didn’t have a network of support
• No designated building
• No budget
• No experience as a trainer

I had 3 months to find, furnish  and resource a suitable building, and design, deliver and evaluate an 8 week residential programme, complete with volunteer guest speakers.

During that time I learnt many knew skills and discovered strengths I didn’t know I had.  Not from books; not from courses; but from experience. From taking action, reflecting and adjusting as I went along. And that is coming from a coach and trainer! Now, as a lifelong learner I am not saying more traditional forms of learning don’t work at all. What I am saying is that you can achieve deeper, quicker and more sustainable development from stretching, work-based assignments and this is often overlooked.

Although when I was first given the assignment I was scared and doubted my ability to cope with it, I am so grateful to my boss for giving me the opportunity and trusting in my ability. That kind of development opportunity is priceless.

What stretching, scary, development opportunities have you experienced that had a massive impact?

Where can you offer the same opportunities to your team members?

Do you spend a disproportionate amount of your time listening to team members moaning and complaining about things? And do you then spend more time trying to sort it out for them? Maybe making phone calls, sending emails, talking to other departments, or finding out more details and  information?

You may feel it’s your job as a manager to sort this. That it shows your support for your team member.  I’m afraid, most of the time, you would be wrong. If someone comes to you whining and moaning and you take responsibility for dealing with it, what have they learned? They’ve learned that they don’t need to think for themselves. That when there’s a problem they just need to tell you and leave it with you. And most importantly, they don’t need to grow and develop because you will take the load.

Even when they have a valid concern I would argue that the first thing to do as a manager is to leave responsibility with them and support them to tackle it. So, the obvious question is “how?” The answer is, “by taking a coaching approach.”

1. Demonstrate you are listening. Notice I didn’t just say listen. The other person needs to KNOW you are listening. It might seem more time consuming but actually the interaction is likely to go on much longer if your team member doesn’t feel heard.
2. Ask quality questions rather than providing suggestions and solutions. This will show them you are listening, help them to think things through, and keep responsibility with them.
3. Ask them what they want. When people are caught up in complaining, feeling hard done by, and blaming other things, it’s really difficult to focus on what they want as an outcome. Shift the focus on to outcomes and break the cycle of moaning about what is happening or not happening in the moment.
4. Ask them what their options are. People in this situation feel disempowered so you will need to ask questions that raise their awareness and encourage ownership.  This is the opportunity to repeatedly use one of my favourite coaching questions, “what else?”
5. If you are successful in getting the person to identify what they want and what options are available to them, you can move onto what they are going to do. If not, if the person is still too caught up in the emotion or the detail of it all, arrange to meet up again, probably later that day to hear their desired outcome and options, once they’ve had time to reflect and free up their thinking.

People who habitually moan and complain suck the life out of you and the rest of the team. Is it possible that in your efforts to support them you might be perpetuating the problem?

How do you handle it?